To the Laid Off Attorneys of Weil Gotshal
Hi! I heard you got canned at Weil Gotschal. Looks like they axed about 100 support staff, too, but let’s stick on topic here. This is about you.
I’m here to offer you five methods of dealing with your layoff. These are tried and true and are sure to make you insufferably happy.
1. Change Careers
Now is your chance! You can finally do what you always wanted to do. Now you can get an MFA with all of your free time and go on to a fulfilling life as a jewelry maker! And don’t worry about student loan debt for your MFA—it’s likely that you’re smothered in it, already. What’s another 100K?
2. Discover Yourself!
Oh, this will be great! You can go all Eat, Pray, Love on the world! Now that you’re free of the yoke of billing hours in Biglaw, you can go discover yourself in a remote part of the world, eat great food, and achieve enlightenment. You can probably blog about it to make a few extra dollars to pay your student loan indenture overlords.
3. Take Solace in the Pains of Others
Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. And if it’s any consolation, I doubt you’ll be alone for long—there are likely more hard times a-comin’ for Biglaw. If a firm as powerful and strong as Weil does layoffs openly, then I’m sure there are a few more firms waiting, crouched back on their haunches waiting to leap into action. So take a few months to spend every waking hour hitting refresh-refresh-refresh on your favorite legal news sites so that you can be among the first to hear about the next layoffs! And, when that happens, be sure to be the first person in the comments section! People will value your opinion, especially if you just post “first!”
4. Drop Out of Society, Punish Yourself For Your Failures, and Wish For Death
This is a pretty standard way to handle a career change out of biglaw, and it’s very versatile. You can do this one with lots of alcohol, or lots of drugs, or by taking up a very dangerous hobby like skydiving. Or, heck, you could even give away everything you own and then try to walk across a continent like a desperate homeless person! Either way, it’s a great way to learn about your limits.
5. Don’t Worry Too Much; You’re On the Other Side of the Fence
It sucks that you’ve been laid off. But I’m sure you’ve heard that the “grass is always greener on the other side of the fence”. Well, you’re on the other side of the fence now. If you want, you’ll find another career that will likely be more meaningful and more rewarding to you. You might not make as much money (but you might!) but you’ll likely be happier. You’ll likely have more time with your family and friends and more time to do the things that make you happy.
Good luck, Folks, and never forget that I’m rooting for you!